Banished to the Castle

You are the pinnacle and example to the world of golf and govern a very noble and treasured game. It’s the R&A not FIFA. We are not in the game of the ‘professional foul’ and other accepted, crass and outlandish behaviour. We are clean, upright and advocate fair play. Indeed, self-regulated fair play. Let’s get ourselves well away from that fine line that demarcates elitism from snobbery.

So, I’m of very much of the opinion that a couple of fine caddies in your ranks may be a very good thing altogether. I’m sure Old Tom would have been well up for it? Indeed, as I am.

Now, as for working at Augusta next spring I’m very settled on the idea and waiting patiently for the call. Just like I’m waiting for an invite to Meghan Sparkle’s wedding bash. I’m really looking forward to mix with fellow writers in the new Press mansion, enjoy the pimento cheese, crayfish etouffee, some braised brisket of beef and of course, a wee drop of Crozes-Hermitage!

In fact, I dare say after that I will be able to pen a very nice article. And I swear I won’t even mention the Royal and Ancient. Well unless I’ve been put up by that stage and in which case the report will be outstanding and most complimentary indeed.

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