I've just had my most expensive mug of coffee ever, in the most improbable of settings. The Tutt swing is undergoing its 97th modification since your correspondent turned pro as a wildly optimistic and embarrassingly erratic two-handicapper at the age of 49. The latest variation is courtesy of my friend and colleague Dominique Boulet who knows a thing or two about how to hit a golf ball. When the new, revised and updated model is executed according to the Boulet philosophy the ball flies straight, long and true, with a dependable trajectory; a most unfamiliar sensation which has got the golfing juices flowing again. To ingrain this welcome change into the armoury, I have been visiting my local range in Tuen Mun; a double-decker facility, where booking is often required and the balls are even more inconsistent than my swing.
On the day in question, however, the range was deserted. As a half-price OAP I was thrilled to discover that I was booked on from 1-2pm. As it was only 12.30, I was impressed with such rare largesse. With a glad heart I strode to my allotted bay (number 2), only to be accosted by a cleaner, who obviously wanted me to move as she appeared to want to clean my bay. I moved to the other end of the, still deserted, range. She promptly followed me, gesticulating wildly and saying "five more minutes". I returned to bay number 2 as it was now looking spotless, thinking I would at least just loosen up. But the harridan came too. This charade repeated itself a few times with yours truly getting increasingly irritated, not least because the range was immaculate and her occasional swish with a mop was clearly having no significant impact.
By about 12.50 I realised (I catch on quickly you know) that what she really meant was that the range was closed for maintenance until 1pm. At that point I finally gave up and headed to the restaurant for a coffee, only to be met by all the maintenance workers coming out from lunch! Sadly the restaurant is not a patch on a Dickensian soup kitchen and the coffee not a match for the ersatz variety served up to POWs in Colditz. Deflated and depressed I did what all golfers do; retreat to the Pro Shop. To my amazement John and Vivien proved to be wonderful hosts who would have loved to serve me a steaming latte had they been allowed to. The delicious smell emanating from the back office was for their use only. However, if I made a purchase they would be happy to throw in a cup of Columbia's finest. One HK$280 Nike white leather belt later and I was the proud possessor of a lovely mug of proper coffee. Not only that, they very kindly said I could keep the rather nice "golfer's" mug too. Such business "nous" deserves encouragement.
It's regrettable that the purchase of said white belt hadn't happened two weeks earlier, prior to my arrival at The Championship at Laguna National in Singapore. After four days of sweat-soaked course-walking my trusty old brown leather belt gave up most of its dye to leave a rather inelegant brown stain around the waistband of my recently acquired and rather elegant beige linen shorts. The new white belt would have been perfect.
Sartorial disasters aside the tournament was memorable for the way the champion, Felipe Aguilar, negotiated the final nine holes in 28 strokes, with five "2's" on his card, including a 2/2 finish, against a par of 3/4. My colleague Warren Humphreys has a golfing database that is the envy of the western world, but even he has only started keeping detailed hole-by-hole scores of every round played throughout the season over the last couple of years, so we can't be sure if five "2's" on a course with only four par-3s has ever been achieved before. It seems highly unlikely. We can be certain, however, that no one on the European Tour has ever eagled a par-4 closer to win a tournament. Either way the charming Chilean, only recently back after breaking his wrist mountain biking, now has enough loot to invest in a bike with bumpers.
On a very sad note, it was tragic to read of the demise of a true gent of the fairways, 52-year-old Zimbabwean Ian "Mac" MacGregor, whilst caddying for Alastair Forsyth in the Madeira Islands Open. The European Tour, in consultation with the players, decided that the "show must go on". It must have been a difficult decision, and one just wonders if it would have been the same verdict had it been a player that died. If not, the old caste system still applies. Regardless, Mac will be sadly missed; he was a very good bloke.
In better news, it was lovely to see Martin Kaymer right back to top form at The Players Championship, where there were six European Ryder Cup players in the top 10; a most encouraging week for Paul McGinley's men. Europe's captain at Gleneagles in September must be delighted with that showing, and particularly the dramatic return to winning ways by the German, whose nerves of steel provided the coup de grâce in such spectacular fashion at Medinah last time.
Pages
Click here to see the published article.
